Monday, August 2, 2010

Where has time gone?

So Much time has passed since Kris or I have updated this thing. New changes to life, Big changes. I lost my blogging partner to the greasy, grimey San Fran. He resides just outside the city In a little place you may or may not have heard of, Oakland. I missed him so damn much, that I hopped on a plane and stayed with him and his gal pal for a few days. Here are some of the things I learned;

1. I can ride a bike better than I can walk, while drunk. You see my first night in Oakland we went drinking. I was so drunk I could barely walk, but pedaling the noble surly steamrolled was not an issue. I knew devoting my life to cycling would eventually pay off.

2. Oakland is full of African Americans. I am not racist, but I do live in New Mexico where the black population is less than 1%. Culture shock to say the least.

3. San Fran has a bunch of really mazing things to see, but if you are riding around, beware of subway grates, they are not aligned properly, and your tires may fall right through them.

4. That city is fucking cold in the summer. There was some famous quote about it, but I forgot to memorize it, and no one is reading this anyway.

5. The Werewolf bus is fucking nuts, and you should probably not touch your nose on it. Just saying....

6. Clowns are everywhere.

7. A 4x4 from In-N- Out is deliciously terrible.

here you go fans

Friday, June 19, 2009

Contest: Oddities from the Streets on Albuquerque

Kris and Justin's Magic Power Hour proudly presents:
Kris and Justin's Magic Power Hour's Oddities from the Streets of Albuquerque photo contest! Brought to you by the fine people at Baconnaise.

Here's how this is going to work, Folks:
You are walking around our fine city and you spot something strange, odd or completely messed up. Just snap a picture and send it to K&J's MPH and you're entered!

All submissions will be reviewed by Kris and Justin personally!

The winner will be announced on Saturday, July 4th and will receive an autographed 40oz bottle of Mickey's Malt Liquor (with valid ID, or something)!!!

So, get to snapping! You only have a couple of weeks.
And they better be good, dammit!

No purchase necessary. Valid in Albuquerque only. Void where prohibited. See packaging for details.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Slacking seems to be in my nature

So kris and I ( correct grammar fuckers) started this blog with great intentions! This blog was to be so huge that we would never have to work ( or pretend to work) again. Unfortunately having your own blog is not quite as easy as I had assumed. We put in long hours trying to come up with creative things for you to read. 

Recently it was Kris' birthday. To protest him not attending my 21st birthday party I didn't go to his 34th. I heard good things. Someone made bad decision with an un-named girl. I wont go into details but I hear he has decided to quit drinking because of it.

I got this sweet ass downhill rig, unfortunately I believe the life of it shall be spent riding down stairs at unm, considering all recent riding plans have fallen through.

I currently sit at my computer, sore, and skin missing from my fingers. You see, Tommy and I have started rock climbing and it has turned out to be quite an adventure. Climbing is more of a workout than just about anything you will even do. I  suggest giving it a shot.

And speaking of shots god friend and fellow blogger Carlos Jesus of dpd spent the day in the shop with us. We tried to go buy minis of rum. After my completely valid ID was rejected at the first gas station, we continued to a package liquor store, which didn't actually exist. Apparently bars wont serve to-go cups of rum. we tried another gas station which also told me my ID was illegal to take. Fuck gas stations. CJ went back into the original gas station and bought the minis without me. We went to taco bell and bought pina colada frutistas and viola. A perfect combo for a slow day at work, which also happened to be Kristopher's birthday.

anyway. If you haven't seen him, wish the dude a happy birthday.

Awkward Body Noises: Random Thought of the Day vol. 2

Situation: When your foot slides on something or you sit in a leather chair and it makes a fake-fart sound. Someone calls you out on being rude and breaking wind.

You response is usually, "No, it wasn't me! My foot did this..."

Ever notice how you can never make that sound again intentionally.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Sights, Sounds and Smells of Albuquereque: Jane, get me off this crazy thing!

I need to preface this post with three things:
  1. This lack of posting is causing me great concern. Am I losing those creative juices?
  2. I'm back from my odyssey in Denver. I will write about my adventures in the near future. Holla.
  3. My vegetarian post that all of you hate me for mysteriously disappeared. You're lucky!

Every city or town has the "Only in Blahblahblah..." stories. Having lived in Boulder, CO, I have quite a few from there. But none that I've heard from other places are as weird as the things I have heard in Albuquerque. It's true. If you've never visited the Duke City, give it 2 weeks on a bicycle and you'll agree.

What got this ball of weirdness rolling in my mind was a peculiar sight I saw yesterday while in my friend's car driving down San Mateo. Picture this: Ford F-150 parked in the left lane, hazard lights a-flashin', man (presumably driver) standing in the median holding aloft a portable gas tank and spilling its contents (presumably gas) onto the street.

That is a sight you don't see everyday, and it begs so many different questions (Most of them beginning in "Why the hell...?!?").

Commuting by bicycle in pretty much any city offers you a unique view of the city. A car will close you off from what is happening around you, but when you're on a bike, you're exposed to the world. Sometimes its uplifting, but usually it's a drag (My girlfriend recently has had a rash of people shouting "Bitch!").

Just today I was nearly run over by a huge boat of a car. The response from the woman in the car to my obligatory "What the hell?!?" was "It's cuz you're riding a bike and should be riding me." To my motorist readers: This is not a good way to entice a member of the opposite sex. Cyclists need to be loved and cared for. Ask us out to dinner or a moonlit stroll. Hitting us with your cars will only make us die.

Other bicycle related oddities:
I once got passed on Lomas by a van. A defiant middle-finger was jutting out of the passenger window. This is nothing unusual. The part that made me chuckle was that the side of the van proudly read "United Methodist Church". Silly theists.

The cop that yelled at my friends to "Get on the sidewalk!" as they were in the bike lane on San Pedro.

Blah. I have a bunch more, but I am in fact at work right now. It's not as boring here as it was when we started this trainwreck, er, blog. So, as I am very distracted now, I will leave it up to you. Post your strange stories in the comment section.

Silly Albuquerque.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

happy hollidays

It's been a crazy week or two. I have completely lost track of my normal life and have been focusing on fun. Shit ya, right? anyway things have been pretty quite around here. taking time off of work and staying on the bike has been doing all of us really well. We rode cross country in cedro on monday. Let me tell you, following zach into an area I have never been before is something I will never do again. His sense of direction sucks. Ive been riding with the bikeworks crew quite a bit. never a dull moment there. I got to fuck with Lucero's facebook a bit and that was quite fun. His sister should be pretty pissed about now. Local pro Chris Boice is back in town, and let me tell you he can whine like nobodys business. But god damn is that kid fast. here is a shot of me. I am really not very good, but Long is a great photographer. Mothers day is tomorrow, so i created a little craigslist ad. you can check it out here. Happy hollidays everyone!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Running the Gauntlet: Bicycle Commuting in ABQ, Earth Day edition

Today is Earth Day. Instead of planting trees or turning lights off or whatever people do on Earth Day, I commuted to and from work on my bicycle. Not because it's Earth Day, but because I do that everyday. That's right, Hippies, plant as many tree as you want!

The exciting part of bike commuting in Albuquerque is that every mile could be your last. At any given time you could have crazy dogs, oblivious joggers, idiotic drivers or massive sinkholes all competing with each other to end your life.

The city has been doing a great job of adding more bike lanes and trails, but I feel like those just offer cyclists a false sense of security. If I were riding on the Bosque Trail one beautiful Saturday afternoon and a car jumped out of the river aiming right for me, I wouldn't be surprised in the least.

These are the risks that bicycle commuters take in order to experience the overwhelming sense of moral superiority that one feels when they commute by bicycle. Bicycle riders are like modern day James Deans. Living on the edge, laughing in the face of Death.

And why shouldn't we feel superior? I don't really give two shits about the environment, that's not why I ride my bike. But that kind of leaves me feeling ripped off seeing all these jackasses driving by in huge SUVs halfway in my bike lane, talking on their cell phones about global warming while ruining the air that I clearly need more.

I'm not too bothered by the whole things, though. I feel like my life is a lot more full than those assholes. In the morning I have the crisp cool air in my face, the smells of spring all over. Life is good, life is beautiful. Then some white collar zombie runs a stop sign while reaching for his Venti Carmel Macciato.

Happy Earth Day!