Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Running the Gauntlet: Bicycle Commuting in ABQ, Earth Day edition

Today is Earth Day. Instead of planting trees or turning lights off or whatever people do on Earth Day, I commuted to and from work on my bicycle. Not because it's Earth Day, but because I do that everyday. That's right, Hippies, plant as many tree as you want!

The exciting part of bike commuting in Albuquerque is that every mile could be your last. At any given time you could have crazy dogs, oblivious joggers, idiotic drivers or massive sinkholes all competing with each other to end your life.

The city has been doing a great job of adding more bike lanes and trails, but I feel like those just offer cyclists a false sense of security. If I were riding on the Bosque Trail one beautiful Saturday afternoon and a car jumped out of the river aiming right for me, I wouldn't be surprised in the least.

These are the risks that bicycle commuters take in order to experience the overwhelming sense of moral superiority that one feels when they commute by bicycle. Bicycle riders are like modern day James Deans. Living on the edge, laughing in the face of Death.

And why shouldn't we feel superior? I don't really give two shits about the environment, that's not why I ride my bike. But that kind of leaves me feeling ripped off seeing all these jackasses driving by in huge SUVs halfway in my bike lane, talking on their cell phones about global warming while ruining the air that I clearly need more.

I'm not too bothered by the whole things, though. I feel like my life is a lot more full than those assholes. In the morning I have the crisp cool air in my face, the smells of spring all over. Life is good, life is beautiful. Then some white collar zombie runs a stop sign while reaching for his Venti Carmel Macciato.

Happy Earth Day!

What the fuck

I've been really upbeat lately and its a bit strange to me. I can assume its due to the fact I stopped giving a shit about work, and I'm riding alot more. Unfortunately I am blogging less ( perhaps fortunately for our readers!) Today is my friday, well kinda, but I dont have to work tomorrow which is fucking sweet. There has been alot going on in the world lately, and if you are unaware of it, believe me I am not the person who should be informing you. (ask zach, he has alot of really horrible opinions which he believes to be true and just) If not informative at least you can walk away having a good laugh. I saw some Somolian pirates on T.V. the other day, and much to my dismay not a single one was wearing an eye patch like the pirates on tv. I truely believe Disney has been leading us astray. But holy shit right, lets hear it for U.S. snipers! I also found this which kinda disturbed me. To vere in another direction my birthday is coming up, and I expect many wonderful gifts from all of you! Kris and I are planning a magic power hour camping trip. You can expect plenty of pictures, and possibly some interesting schemes we have cooked up.

until next time,
I bid you farewell!
- Oh and if you are a pirate, Watch out! America is coming for you!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Teabagging Republicans: Open Wide

It's tax day. Normally I'm stressing out, trying to get out of work and heading down to where ever to get them done. Fortunately, I did them weeks ago, so I'm able to sit back, relax, and watch the day unfold. And what is so interesting about today? Why, today is the day that Conservatives, fed up with the idea of "taxation with representation," are hanging out in public places all over America and teabagging each other.

I know that a million people have blogged about this already, but I just couldn't resist. It really showcases how out of touch with normal people these Conservatives are. Even Faux News is throwing their full support behind teabagging.

I think Racheal Maddow explains it the best:
On a side note: The blog may look like crap because someone on this computer erased Firefox. So, for the time being I am forced to use Internet Explorer version: whothefuckcares.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Blogging on Blogging: The Untold Story of a Narcissist

For quite some time I've had a nagging feeling in the back of my brain telling me that this blog should actually be about something. After returning from the doctor with news that the tumor in the back of my brain was benign and wouldn't be giving me nagging feelings, I started thinking that it might be true; That this blog should be about something other than a narcissistic clearing house of ideas and utterly pointless ranting. Maybe I should find some little niche in an obscure corner of the internet and develop some sort of obscure, corner-of-the-internet kind of following. Champion a small movement of strangers around a strange cause that I just made up. But what would that niche be?

  • There are blogs on cycling but, as far as I'm concerned, Bike Snob NYC has that covered. That's it, 'nuff said.
  • There are blogs on activism and anarchy and stuff, but I feel like if I devoted that much effort into blogging about that crap, my ulser would never heal.
  • There are blogs on general politics, but I would most likely spend most of my time going off on Beck and Hannity on every post. Not that it wouldn't be entertaining, but I have more depth than that.
What it really boils down to is: What the hell do I know? I don't really know enough about one subject to develop my own niche blog. I certainly don't have the attention span. Besides, the next step after forming a niche blog is joining Twitter. No one wants that.

So, I'm going to keep on laying down the random things that pop into my brain and posting them on the internet for the world (meaning the four readers of my blog) to see. I think it was Jesus or Gandhi that said, "variety is the spice of life." And if that doesn't work, I'll just start posting pictures of topless women.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Give 'em the Stylish Boot: A serious blog

I have always been a fan of making full use of my 1st Amendment rights and I have never shied away from putting myself in harm's way to express my views, or point out something I disagree with, or whatever. Basically, protesting and demonstrating, in an form, is a blast. You never feel as alive or free until your standing nose-to-nose with a cop.

What got me talking about this crap, you ask? Recently a reader forwarded me this gripping article of a troupe of Anti-Racist Action clowns shutting down a Vanguard News Network rally (read: comedy special).

There are certain events that require special treatment by activists: Parades require lock-downs, workshops require infiltration, world financial meetings require the Black Bloc. Now, all of these things have been tried when Nazis and bigots have a rally. I usually ends up in a bunch of angry 20-somethings trying to beat each other up. Which is fine. I have no problem with beating up Nazis. The thing is, it doesn't actually do anything. It gets our aggression out, but it doesn't actually affect them.

That's what creative protest is a helluva valuable tool for just about everything.
The Top Gun of which is the Biotic Baking Brigade. Hold all of the protests you want outside, the BBB will get in there and do the job right. Pie in the face.

It's the little things. Like the kids in Toronto painting their own bike lanes. Starting your won parade using hand-made inflatables. Or your good, old fashioned effigy.

Let's DO something!

(be back soon with something a little more light-hearted! -k)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Sunday is magic!!!

I do really enjoy Sunday. It is unfortunate that we have to work, but I get to wake up late and leave early. I almost feel like I accomplish things on Sundays. Our wonderful store was recently vandalized, as well as a few other stores along San Mateo. I came to work realizing that I had my car parked here for a few days, so instantly I assumed my car had been destroyed during the vandalism. Much to my surprise my car was fine. The vandals did happen to to tag my front fender with something that happened to make my day. Best tag I have ever seen.

As to my lack of postings, Xak informed me that this blog would be better if I wrote less. I guess that's right.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Every Cloud has an Aluminum Lining: Musings on poverty

Economic crisis! Stock market plummets! Bail-outs! Bernard Madoff! Socialism!

People are freaked out about the state of our money stuff these days. Turn on any news program or open a publication and there's some jack-ass, red in the face, telling me how bad things are. Change the channel and there's another jack-ass telling me how bad things are going to be.

It turns out that these are some of the best times to be poor.

Think about it. Our streets don't look like 17- or 18th-century English period movies anymore. Seldom does a crippled child, dressed in rags come up to me and ask for two bits or a ha'penny. Maybe that's because I live in a relatively recession-proof area, but that's not my point, dammit!
See, when you're poor like I'm poor you're able to find joy in the smallest, stupidest things around you. For instance, today my new $11 26.0mm Kalloy Uno seatpost arrived and I couldn't be happier. A richer man wouldn't be happy with anything less than a Thomson, or, as this savvy poster on found, a carpet fiber seatpost (isn't technology amazing?). Not for me. I don't care if it's full carpet fiber or just carpet fiber-wrapped, just give me my $11 Kalloy.

Another free opiate or the masses, the internet, of course. More specifically: StumbleUpon. Talk about your countless hours of free entertainment. It was on StumbleUpon where a coworker of mine found this little gem. On this site you can plaster your face all over stuff until your little, narcissistic heart is content.

Here I made Brad Pitt a Times Square Target ad for no reason:

Here's one fore the ladies:
Would a rich guy find this as amusing as I do? Hell no! He'd be too busy trying to look like David Beckham (I'm pretty sure that's David Beckham) so he could get on a Times Square Target ad. Or maybe he'd like it. I don't know. I've only met a few rich people. The point is this: We're in the 21st century. We have free entertainment up to our ears, $1 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers up to our colons, and enough beer cans in my back yard to take to the recycling place and turn in to buy more beer.

Bring on the economic apocalypse!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Glenn Beck: The Funniest Man on Television

I'm almost out of here, but I wanted to end April Fool's Day with a tribute to possibly the funniest man on television, Glenn Beck.
Glenn has been on my radar since his comedy show was on CNN. Like that time when he asked the American Idol contestant to pose naked for him in front of a camera:

Glenn Beck Asks Innappropriate Question - Watch more Funny Videos
But now the man is of Fox News, and they just completely let him off of the Leftist-censorship leash that CNN had him on. The man is such a good actor, he can even cry on command.
Until tomorrow, I leave you with a best-of compilation of the illimitable Glenn Beck.

Continuing Coverage: Science is Magic

Alas, my Denver trip did not pan out. The gods had their way, so I am stuck here in the Duke City. On a good note, I will be here to keep Justin safe and warm with a steady supply of beer to keep him Man-Powered.
So, I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce a new K&J MPH/GetInuit series, Science is Magic.
Take, for example, this nifty trick from Colorado: A kitchen sink that shoots flames. Is that not magical? Mark my words: This will be the new trend in home-ownership.
  • Step One: Arrange for natural gas to leak into your water pipes
  • Step Two: Light and enjoy!
Another interesting thing you can do in your space time is make 3 gallons of pink lemonade in a water jugs, drink it until your sick, let the rest sit out for 2 weeks then watch the magic. Our remaining gallon has turned a milky pink and there are clouds of something floating in it. More information to come after Justin drinks some of it.
Please kids, don't try this at home until we figure out how this effects Justin. Science is magic, but it is not a toy. Let the professionals at K&J MPH put their friends' lives in jeopardy, so you don't have to. After all, we have knuckle tattoos:
Get your own knuckles at the knuckle tattoo gun.

(UPDATE 04/02/09: Justin drank to pink lemonade, complained of a sour taste and left work early. I have not heard from him since)