Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Sights, Sounds and Smells of Albuquereque: Jane, get me off this crazy thing!

I need to preface this post with three things:
  1. This lack of posting is causing me great concern. Am I losing those creative juices?
  2. I'm back from my odyssey in Denver. I will write about my adventures in the near future. Holla.
  3. My vegetarian post that all of you hate me for mysteriously disappeared. You're lucky!

Every city or town has the "Only in Blahblahblah..." stories. Having lived in Boulder, CO, I have quite a few from there. But none that I've heard from other places are as weird as the things I have heard in Albuquerque. It's true. If you've never visited the Duke City, give it 2 weeks on a bicycle and you'll agree.

What got this ball of weirdness rolling in my mind was a peculiar sight I saw yesterday while in my friend's car driving down San Mateo. Picture this: Ford F-150 parked in the left lane, hazard lights a-flashin', man (presumably driver) standing in the median holding aloft a portable gas tank and spilling its contents (presumably gas) onto the street.

That is a sight you don't see everyday, and it begs so many different questions (Most of them beginning in "Why the hell...?!?").

Commuting by bicycle in pretty much any city offers you a unique view of the city. A car will close you off from what is happening around you, but when you're on a bike, you're exposed to the world. Sometimes its uplifting, but usually it's a drag (My girlfriend recently has had a rash of people shouting "Bitch!").

Just today I was nearly run over by a huge boat of a car. The response from the woman in the car to my obligatory "What the hell?!?" was "It's cuz you're riding a bike and should be riding me." To my motorist readers: This is not a good way to entice a member of the opposite sex. Cyclists need to be loved and cared for. Ask us out to dinner or a moonlit stroll. Hitting us with your cars will only make us die.

Other bicycle related oddities:
I once got passed on Lomas by a van. A defiant middle-finger was jutting out of the passenger window. This is nothing unusual. The part that made me chuckle was that the side of the van proudly read "United Methodist Church". Silly theists.

The cop that yelled at my friends to "Get on the sidewalk!" as they were in the bike lane on San Pedro.

Blah. I have a bunch more, but I am in fact at work right now. It's not as boring here as it was when we started this trainwreck, er, blog. So, as I am very distracted now, I will leave it up to you. Post your strange stories in the comment section.

Silly Albuquerque.


  1. A few that happened to me recently:

    While waiting at the crosswalk on 4th and Marquette, a man walked up from behind me, smiled, and said "C'mon, we can do this." I agreed, and we walked across the street together.

    Again riding on 4th, a man I had never seen before SANG to me, with what seemed like an Italian accent, "It is so nice to see you every day!"

    Walking with my bike on Central, a car went by with a man hanging out the passenger window yelling, "Fuck you, bitch!" repeatedly.

    Waiting on the corner of 4th and Phoenix, a very disheveled man stopped to say to me, "Can I ask you how you do it?" I replied, of course, "Do what?" "Make me so jealous that I didn't meet you first." After a moment of "Uhhhhhhh," he told me he made $1,200 an hour at his job and wanted to take me out. When I said no, he rode away, yelling over his shoulder, "Maybe tonight!"

    I think we could start a whole blog on which people post their weird Albuquerque experiences, 'cause I sure have a hell of a lot of 'em.

  2. I would like to add in response the person yelling "fuck you, bitch" was infact me.....